‘Google: The Movie’ Gets Two Eyelids Closed

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google_recruiting_small.jpgADOTAS – So it goes in Hollywood that studios host rivalries in film development, usually over epic subjects such as Christopher Columbus or gigantic asteroids headed for Earth. My personal favorite was the volcano rivalry of 1997, with “Dante’s Peak” beating the creatively titled “Volcano” to theaters by a few months. If memory serves, they were both awful.

The rivalries continue today, even though the subjects have gotten… interesting — like artificial insemination, with newly opening Jennifer Aniston comedy “The Switch” trailing similarly themed Jennifer Lopez comeback vehicle “The Back-Up Plan.” Next up? Internet Goliaths, as in the wake of Facebook expose “The Social Network,” producer Michael London’s Groundswell Productions has bought the film rights for New York columnist Ken Auletta’s “Googled: The End of the Internet as We Know It.”

Similar to how Ben Mezrich’s “The Accidental Billionaires: The Founding of Facebook” became the basis for “The Social Network,” Auletta’s book will provide the foundation for Google’s founding by Sergey Brin and Larry Page.

When I went to see “Inception” at a movie theater, a “Social Network” trailer appeared during the previews and was met with several audience howls of “Boring!” You think Facebook’s beginnings, chock full of legal action and Mark Zuckerberg flaunting his asshole nature, will be dull on celluloid? Wait till you see the Google movie trailer.

I mean, who can’t imagine exciting scenes revolving around enhancing search algorithms or acquiring YouTube? What about international intrigue, with standoffs with the Chinese government and legal wrangling with ze Germans? My goodness, I may fall asleep just writing this.

Unless “Google: The Movie” is supposed to be some kind of “Remember the Titans” type of motivational flick for code jockeys, with a key scene where young Sergey and Larry look each other in the eye and mouth the words “Do no evil” for the very first time.

If that’s followed by a passionate love scene set to a techno version of Berlin’s “Take My Breath Away,” I could be intrigued. Hey, the movie will be fiction, might as well add some embellishment.

Oh, and on that “Do No Evil” bit, Jon Stewart had a tongue-lashing for the Google boys on “The Daily Show” regarding the search giant partnering with Verizon to piss all over net neutrality.

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Oh, and why haven’t we seen “MySpace: The Movie”? Now there’s a tale. Too bad is so tragic that it’s hilarious — it’s not something American audiences or Australian media moguls will comprehend.

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