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ADOTAS Conversations: Ask, and Jeeves Will Tell You

Written on
Mar 31, 2006 
Author
Douglas MacMillan  |
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ADOTAS Conversations: Ask, and Jeeves Will Tell You

On February 27th of this year, search engine Ask Jeeves announced a complete rebranding of its site, including plans to retire the beloved Internet mascot Jeeves in favor of the sleeker, simpler Ask.com. While most web users have since embraced the site’s plethora of new tools and familiar, Google-like interface, one pinstripe-clad, proper English lad was simply put on the shelf and forgotten over night. ADOTAS had a chance to catch up with Jeeves this week and chat about his work with Ask and his plans for the future. We’re not going to sugar lace it for you—quite frankly, this butler is ticked off.

ADOTAS: When was the first you heard about the rebranding process for Ask Jeeves?

Jeeves: When we were bought by InterActive Corp. last year, I could smell something strange going on. I knew we’d have to make significant changes in order to compete with Google and Yahoo, but I never thought it would mean my job. After all, I am the face of the operation, the spokesman. I thought that if they canned me, the whole site would be ruined. I mean, where’s the precedent for this? Where would McDonald’s be if they fired Ronald McDonald? Where would Nintendo be without Mario? It’s time people started giving corporate mascots the credit they deserve.

A: What type of credit do you deserve?

J: A retirement plan! Stock options! Dental, for god’s sake! I got nothing!

A:Currently, Ask.com’s About section claims you were “retired in style.” You’re saying this is an exaggeration?

J: It’s not an exaggeration, it’s a lie. I woke up on February 27 and found a pink slip on my desk, like I was some kind of low level mail filer caught with his hand in the cookie jar. They fed the press this language that I had “retired” and was “moving on to greener pastures,” and they made everybody think it was an amicable transition. It was most certainly not. As soon as I got wind of what they were doing, I marched into Barry Diller’s office myself and had it out with him man to man.

A: What did he tell you?

J: He told me that this was a normal occurrence for people who are “like me.” He thanked me for my hard work over the years, but told me that the image I brought to the site was just becoming too antiquated and too niche-oriented.

A: And what was your response?

J: I threw off my sport coat, jumped over his desk and started throwing my dukes. I terribly hated for it to come to that, but there was no rationalizing with this weasel. I know I got in a couple solid blows and gave him a shiner before security dragged me off the premises. It was an ugly sight, but what can I say? It was an ugly day.

A: Interesting. Let’s go back to when you first started working at Ask Jeeves. How did you help get the search engine off the ground?

J: Ah, the glory days. I was really there before the concept of an automated “search engine” took off. It was a couple website operators, sales people, and me, in a single office in Oakland. When we first started, I wasn’t just a mascot, I literally answered every question people typed into the search box. It took a lot of study, and a lot of time, but I prided myself on my rapid, omniscient responses. Somebody could ask, “What is the largest whale tooth ever recorded?” And I would have to be there, ready with an answer. 21 inches.

A: Amazing. How did that process evolve into what Ask.com is today?

J: Of course, as the site grew in popularity, I would have to field hundreds of simultaneous questions. Hard questions. Weird questions. Pointless questions. At first, I just worked through it. But eventually it got to me. “What is the capital of Uzbekistan?” “What is the square root of 896,007?” “What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?” Christ, I couldn’t take it any more. I had a mental breakdown. I was committed to San Bernadino Mental Hospital in September of 1999. Our PR people covered it up completely.

A: Wow. And when you came back…?

J: When I came back a year later, our team had figured out how build a search engine that did my job for me. It wasn’t as polite, it wasn’t as human, but it was fast and painless. I was officially demoted to being the “mascot” and namesake of the company. I made appearances at conventions and other industry functions. It was much easier, and it was rather enjoyable.

A: I saw you floating in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade two years ago. Was that a landmark in your career?

J: That wasn’t me. That was a giant balloon likeness of me.

A: Oh. Fair enough. Let’s talk about your current plans. How are you keeping yourself active now?

J: After this meeting, I’m heading straight over to the offices of Ask.com.

A: They have another job for you?

J: No, I’m picketing. Someone has to take a stand for the rights of mascots everywhere. We deserve to be treated as human beings, and I have founded the Corporate Mascot Union Workers of America to ensure just that. Tomorrow will be a new day for all the Jeeves of the world.

A: I wish you the best of luck with that. What does your picket sign say?

J: DON’T ASK.





Reader Comments.

Awesome

Posted by Jim Lanzone | 5:58 pm on March 31, 2006.

After reading what really happened to Jeeves,I have empathy for him. In protest to his mistreatment, I prefer not to use “Ask.com”, but what other similar site is available for me?

Thanks!

Posted by Rhonda | 12:27 pm on April 18, 2006.

That’s great news, Rhonda. The web needs more issue-conscious surfers like you. I knew the name of a similar site, but I forgot it… I think it starts with a “G”
Hmmmmm…

Posted by Author | 12:59 pm on April 19, 2006.

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